The letter that gets sent to family and friends in the Christmas cards. Slightly censored to preserve privacy. Enjoy......
Xmas/End of the year letter. Part VII
Hello again everybody. It is that time of year again to get you all updated on this crazy, crazy life in Dubsville. Jacob’s (The role of Jacob is now being played by Gary Coleman) big change this year is going to kindergarten. He has had an up and down time so far. Some weeks he does a really, really good job. Other weeks he snatches the basketball out of the gym teacher’s hand and chucks it over the fence into the parking lot. “What'chu talkin' 'bout, teacher?” I blame the influence of my father, Captain Admiral Dick York. All in all, he is doing very well. His asthma and allergy issues seem to be under control. We will find out this winter, when it is usually at its worst. This past Halloween he went as a dog petting, black tipped reef shark. It seemed like every house he asked if they had a dog he could pet. At one house, he even forgot all about the candy and started to leave without the goodies. Kristel (The role of Kristel is now being played by Dame Judi Dench) is finishing up at IPFW and moving towards getting her degree in Engwish this May. Soon to be a writer of a best selling book about Arfalopes that gets optioned for a major motion picture that stars Jim Carrey, Alan Alda, and Gary Coleman. Oh, and co-starring some young “it” girl I’m sure. We’ll be sure to wave and acknowledge all the little people from our mansion on the hill. And, of course, the normal sized people too. As many of you may or may not know, Judi and I (The role of me is now being played by Ted McGinley) got hitched this past January. It has been an absolute wonderful, wonderful time. Wonderful. Really. Although the tabloids would have you believe differently, there is no bun in the oven. Let me repeat that Joe Biden style. “There. Is. No. Bun. In. The. Oven. (yet.) Period.” Just some nice cinnamon rolls. You know, cinnamon rolls are very underrated. All gooey and melty and stuff. (The role of the Cinnamon Rolls is now being played by Ricky Schroder). My work is still the same. The glamorous life of fixin’ TVs. People are still crazy and I actually fixed one this year. Yay for me! I’ll try for two next year. I have the absolute bestest boss in the world. He is gracious and has the kindest heart of anyone I’ve ever seen and also gets this newsletter. Hey John! Wha? Something on my nose? Gary loves going to John’s lake place and smashing his face tubing behind the boat. How else is he going to lose his teeth? He also enjoyed swimming with the minnows (actually swimming with the minnows, not some swimming with the fishes reference) and insisted that he filmed them even though he had no camera. That Gary always has delusions of grandeur. Wonder where he gets that from?
Peace and Holly,
Ted, Judi, and Gary.
Statler: “That wasn’t half bad.”
Walter: “Yep, That was all bad”
Statler: “They really jumped the shark this year.”
Walter: “I blame Ted”
Both: “Ha ha ha ha”
Spring Migration 2017, Part 2
2 months ago