Super Sneak Preview of the Christmas Letter!!!!!!

The letter that gets sent to family and friends in the Christmas cards. Slightly censored to preserve privacy. Enjoy......



Xmas/End of the year letter. Part VII

Hello again everybody. It is that time of year again to get you all updated on this crazy, crazy life in Dubsville. Jacob’s (The role of Jacob is now being played by Gary Coleman) big change this year is going to kindergarten. He has had an up and down time so far. Some weeks he does a really, really good job. Other weeks he snatches the basketball out of the gym teacher’s hand and chucks it over the fence into the parking lot. “What'chu talkin' 'bout, teacher?” I blame the influence of my father, Captain Admiral Dick York. All in all, he is doing very well. His asthma and allergy issues seem to be under control. We will find out this winter, when it is usually at its worst. This past Halloween he went as a dog petting, black tipped reef shark. It seemed like every house he asked if they had a dog he could pet. At one house, he even forgot all about the candy and started to leave without the goodies. Kristel (The role of Kristel is now being played by Dame Judi Dench) is finishing up at IPFW and moving towards getting her degree in Engwish this May. Soon to be a writer of a best selling book about Arfalopes that gets optioned for a major motion picture that stars Jim Carrey, Alan Alda, and Gary Coleman. Oh, and co-starring some young “it” girl I’m sure. We’ll be sure to wave and acknowledge all the little people from our mansion on the hill. And, of course, the normal sized people too. As many of you may or may not know, Judi and I (The role of me is now being played by Ted McGinley) got hitched this past January. It has been an absolute wonderful, wonderful time. Wonderful. Really. Although the tabloids would have you believe differently, there is no bun in the oven. Let me repeat that Joe Biden style. “There. Is. No. Bun. In. The. Oven. (yet.) Period.” Just some nice cinnamon rolls. You know, cinnamon rolls are very underrated. All gooey and melty and stuff. (The role of the Cinnamon Rolls is now being played by Ricky Schroder). My work is still the same. The glamorous life of fixin’ TVs. People are still crazy and I actually fixed one this year. Yay for me! I’ll try for two next year. I have the absolute bestest boss in the world. He is gracious and has the kindest heart of anyone I’ve ever seen and also gets this newsletter. Hey John! Wha? Something on my nose? Gary loves going to John’s lake place and smashing his face tubing behind the boat. How else is he going to lose his teeth? He also enjoyed swimming with the minnows (actually swimming with the minnows, not some swimming with the fishes reference) and insisted that he filmed them even though he had no camera. That Gary always has delusions of grandeur. Wonder where he gets that from?

Peace and Holly,
Ted, Judi, and Gary.
(pkdubs.blogspot.com)


Statler: “That wasn’t half bad.”
Walter: “Yep, That was all bad”
Statler: “They really jumped the shark this year.”
Walter: “I blame Ted”
Both: “Ha ha ha ha”

Here kitty, kitty, kitty......

Hello you old broomsticks. Interesting happenings around the Dubs homestead. While scientifically observing the birds (saw a ruby crowned kinglet. Yea), we spotted a small, mostly white, somewhat hitlerish moustached, bird-cat.

Seemed a little straggly and really skittish. And, I guess, really cute according to Kristel. Really cute. Really. Cute. I'm not that fond of cats around the house due to their annoying little habit of killing the birds. House sparrows are fine, but the cats don't seem to care which ones they get. I didn't run this lil' feline off because someone would have kicked my butt. Ahem. Kristel. So, we watched it for a little bit to see what it would do. It did something I have never seen before. It went to the ground bird feeder and started to eat the birdseed. Wha?



Squirrels, raccoons, possums, and now cats!?!?! What other creatures do I have to watch devour the birdseed instead of the birds? A five year old kid???? Not yet anyway. Maybe a six year old kid. Who knows? Kind of wanted to kick a lil' kitten butt all over the yard, until this happened.....



YES!!!! That cat is cool. He or she, we aren't that close yet, can go mousing around here any day of the week. He/she got two of those lil' suckers in under 5 minutes and the bonus of all bonuses-ss is he/she went after one of those pesky squirrels too. Almost got it. Sweet. This mouse killin', squirrel chasin' kitty cat can pull up a lawn chair and chill out on the front porch all day long if it wants to. Now if it could just stay away from the seed, man. Kristel is feeding it cat food, so that might work. Although the cat food was out there the other night and it still ate some birdseed. Oh well, can't have everything. Look at that lil' sweetie!!!!!

That is all,

PDub

Vark!

This afternoon Jacob dictated a story to me about 2 (or 3?) snakes. My mom (Peachie Pooh) came over to visit shortly after this dictation, and here is a summary of the conversation that ensued:


"Hey Jacob what's the coral snake's name?"

Jacob: (in a high pitched voice, holding a stuffed snake) "My name is Tommy"

(grabs stuffed gopher snake) "My name is Vark!"

Peachie: "Why Vark?"

Jacob: "Because he's brown, like a Vark!"

Me: (laughing) "What's a Vark Jake?"

Jake: (not laughing, asks me seriously) "What is it?"
What he's really saying is: "Duh, You're the adult. You should know these things."


A minute later Jacob is on the floor giggling playing with a stuffed squirrel and proclaims to Peachie Pooh: "Fire in the hole!" and toots (fluffs, passes gas, whatever) a resounding toot that could make a grown man jealous. This sort of behavior is frowned upon in our home (I had brothers who continually farted upon each other's heads, and I would like to keep such instances in the past). I tried not to laugh, but the fact that I had no idea where he learned "fire in the hole" with reference to flatulence, cracked me up all the more. The fact that I laughed means there are many more instances of "fire in the hole to come." AHHH! I'm doomed to relive my youth!


Another minute passes and Peachie Pooh asks Jake, "What's the squirrel's name?"
To which Jake responds emphatically, "His name is Nut-Eating Running Brown Thing."
Peachie Pooh: "Must be an Indian Name."


Ouch...
You hate to see that happen to Nut-Eating Running Brown Thing


Kristel Dub

Pokagon

One of our favorite places to hike. Didn't see a whole lot of birds, but enough. Found a flock of Cedar Waxwings. Didn't get any great pictures, but here is one anyway.

Spent about three hours here on the 12th. Quite a busy weekend on the trails. We usually don't see a bunch of people, but that day we saw more than usual. Probably due to the changing colors of the trees or maybe the annual pie eating contest. Who knows? I like pie. Pumpkin, Pecan, Dutch Apple. Mmmmmmm.......pie. I need pie.

That is all,

Phil Dub